Response to "How not to be that guy."
http://www.kekkai.org/alanna/thatguy.html
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Translations from a masculist perspective. Or a response from “that guy.”
This entire essay is in very poor taste. Wo0men react to this as if its helpful, when if I wrote a similar guide on how not to trip the gold digging vapid tease/whore reaction I'd be blasted as a male chauvinist.
Entitlement:
Let me open by saying...
You are not entitled to influence my behaviors in anyway in which I am not entitled to influence yours. You don't get to invent rules for me OF ANY KING outside the normal social contract established between ALL HUMANS. Your vag does not make you special. Equality is the name of the game and you're attacking it, plain and simple.
The irony is thick here considering the implication that you feel you are entitled to the opposite of the behavior you describe.
“If you approach me with the presumption, stated or implied, that I owe you anything -- my time, my attention, my energy, my conversation, my acquiescence to your desires -- that's entitlement. “
Translation: I'm a girl and therefor only my opinion matters. No matter where I am, or how I got there, I am in charge. I may be standing in your home, drinking your booze, eating your pizza, sitting on your couch, watching your friends play your ps3, but I don't even owe you conversation because I have a vagina.
Wrong. Yes you DO owe me recognition under certain circumstances. This even ground bullshit has got to go when the whole world gives you power just because you're in position of a vag. Put simply, with power comes responsibility, and what you owe depends on what you take, a vagina only means a unilateral absolute free ride if you're a spoiled sexist princess, which clearly you are.
This whole section is like hanging a sign up out front that says “lemonade inside” and then bitching (pun intended) when people knock on your door because you wanted a specific person to come looking for that lemonade, in this case Brad Pitt. Cast a wide net and you're gunna get a lot of boots. Don't blame the sea, or the boots. You're the one throwing the net. Until out country spends less on makeup than it does on health care, you're going to have to choose between keeping quiet or looking like a moron to anyone with an eye for simple logic. But then again those “tits” are showcased specifically to short cut logic aren't they, because if the men were thinking logically they'd pay a hooker rather than put up with your parasitic shit.
And I love the bit about rescuing the girl, this keeps the queue moving. “Hey men, I don't want to have to work up the balls to tell this annoying asshole to go away, will you do it for me like everything else in my life?”
Fight your own battles broad, odds are merely to be in your presence I had to put up with crazy bullshit ranging from evil bosses and bullshit schools, to fights and total submersion of who I really am. I'm tired of wearing your uniform and living up to your idea of what a man is. I'm tired of every song telling me I'm worthless without one of you lampreys sucking at my fiscal belly. I'm tired of the constant sexual lies, and the endless sexual innuendo wrapped in romantic platitude.
Hell even a drawn heart is shaped like a girl bending over or cleavage. Quit making EVERYTHING YOU ARE about sex and then calling men pigs for thinking about it.
I ask you, what percentage of movie, song, and literature would be annihilated if I asked a genie to remove all trace of romantic subtext from all recorded media. Most movies would be half an hour long, full 9/10ths of all music would vanish, if not more. Trillions of photographs, totally not including porn. Paintings, poems. Everything tells men to see women as godlike, which I have 0 problem with begin somewhat submissive sexually, and into D/s. What I do have a problem with is entitlement.
“Mostly because introducing sexual orientation into this would complicate it umpteen billion times over. “
Right because when your being a total female chauvinist equality really makes circular arguments transparent. We'd hate to remind the reader that this whole document is based on a sexist assumption. One which encourages lying. One would think you'd not want to teach men how to avoid begin “that guy,” since now “that guy” can lie about it and get closer to you.
But thats the whole point isn't it. Men are supposed to utterly suppress what they are these days to live up to absurd and unrealistic expectations. Liars get laid, and men are not to blame, when women punish the honest. Now granted women are held to some pretty high unrealistic expectations as well, but they share more of the fault for this since it is women who control the paradigm so long and men pursue and women choose, generally.
“I'm using the phrase "That Guy" here, because the people who display these behaviours are predominantly male; these behaviours come from a place of privilege, and right now, in our society, the men have the privilege. “
Without getting to much into it. I'll simply say prove it. Show me a single area of male superiority and I'll show you you're wrong. This challenge stands to all humanity, in the context of the American society (as of 2008). I can logically demonstrate any conclusion presented here, and I will defend it. My contact information IS here. I am not afraid to attach my name to this work for all of the world to see. Because I'm in the right.
http://innomen.blogspot.com/2008/02/masculism-now.html
“Then say to the guy, once she's gone: "Hey, I think you were making her feel really awkward. Back off a little next time, hey?" “
Right because god forbid she'd have to own up honestly to her discomfort. You should do all the work for her, after all its the man's job to pursue and risk being totally humiliated and shot down, its the girls job to be pampered for having a vagina. Right? Wrong.
“If you make me think that you think you can express a wish and I will fulfill that wish, that's entitlement. “ (and related statements)
You're blaming me for what you think!? I can “make” you think a certain way? Wow, how is that any different than blaming a girl for “making” me horny from across the room (even when not dressing like a French maid), and then calling her a tease?
Someone clearly has no understanding of human emotions. And why should you, its not like they matter when you're a totally pampered sociopath. In the real world, emotions are uncontrollable, the only things that are controllable are our reactions to them.
Every emotion is equally valid, only our actions and statements are up for scrutiny.
“It is so hard to explain how this is made manifest. “
Thats because its completely subjective and at your whim. Plus you probably don't want to admit your real motives. Fact is, all of these negative traits would suddenly be positive if coming from an obviously desirable mate. Arrogance would become confidence, vanity would become style, sexism would become chivalry, and so on.
“And trust me, I can tell the difference between you looking at my tits (because yeah, they're kind of hard to miss) and you looking at my tits and building elaborate fantasies about what they would feel like pressed up against you. “
Aside from the fact that this behavior would be alluring if it came from a man you wanted. Limited Brands Inc stock price tripled from '98 to the present. They own Victoria Secret. If you've ever worked in a mall or near one of these stores they are not packed with men. VS is kept afloat by women looking to draw attention, and judging by their fiscal profile and target demographic, thats a huge chunk of American women.
“I can absolutely tell the minute you get the bright idea, spoken or unspoken, that you're continuing our interaction for the sole or even the primary purpose of building the chance to feel those tits down the road. “
“Extraordinary claims require extraordinary proof.” - Carl Sagan. Is it fun being a psychic? And if you did possess this ability are you telling me that you'd not cultivate it if the target was a rich attractive prince? We both know better.
“There are a lot of men out there who are looking for someone to service their emotional needs... “
Again, if this came from Brad Pitt you'd say it was a tenderness and sensitivity, an honesty or openness. Your advice here is a trap, designed to keep nice guys way the hell away to make room for abusive pricks, which girls reward with children at a staggering rate in this country. Just look at our accidental and teen pregnancy, divorce, and domestic abuse rates. You as a gender regularly generally pick lying assholes.
How many chess club kids are in jail for domestic assault? What percentage of chess club kids got laid last night? And now drunken loud mouth abusive frat boys with beamers?
“These are the men who are poisoning the well and making it harder for us to believe you when you say that you want to help “
Did you miss the part where this whole post is basically a course on how to lie? Men who behave the ways you complain about are not going to read this and see the light they are going to read it and play the game. Don't complain about liars when you punish the honest.
“If you catch yourself thinking that of course you're not like those men, stop and take a good hard look at yourself...”
This is as ethically disgusting as how the television makes young women feel about how they look. “If you catch yourself thinking you're beautiful enough, stop and take a good hard look at your body...”
“You clearly did offend someone, or else the dogpile wouldn't have happened. “
Good to know that being right has NOTHING to do with it in your world. People can be offended and in the wrong at the same time. Go explain to a KKK man about how racism tends to stem from insecurity. You'll offend some people, but you'll also be right.
You need to explore moral absolutism and its logical pitfalls.
“It is a very sad fact that nine times out of ten, people with privilege, who are exercising that privilege in a way that makes other people feel uncomfortable, will not hear the fact that they are making other people uncomfortable until it's pointed out to them by someone with the same privilege. They literally will not process what people are saying. It happens all the time, and it is so subtle and pervasive that people don't see it even when someone calls them on it. “
L M A O, and the irony meter explodes leaving a crater the size of Cape Cod. Nosce te ipsum lady.
“And no. You don't get laid cookies for being an ally. “
Exactly. Assholes get cookies. Ladder theory anyone?
“He's going to beg, and plead, and guilt-trip, and pressure, and try by any emotional blackmail possible to turn that "no" into a "yes". “
Because it works. Virtually every romantic movie is some man's struggle to meet some women's requirements. To overcome her hesitation. Survey women in relationship over a year old and ask them why they are still in them. Guilt, fear and other negative emotions are going to be common answers. Maybe not the majority but significant, this suggests (but admittedly does not prove) that emotional blackmail is effective. The responsibility for that effectiveness rests with women, especially in an age where an EPO is a phone call away, and every city in the union has a battered women's shelter. And I won't even get into gun ownership. In my state you only have to FEEL threated to respond with deadly force legally. Don't blame men for exploiting your bad judgment.
“This can be really blatant -- trying to use physical intimidation to gain reluctant consent, for instance, like constantly trying to touch her or loom over her or get in her space -- or more subtle. The more subtle form can be anything from constantly dropping conversational references to the question or proposition, to the very very subtle "puppy dog eyes". “
Again, all of which would be rewarded if coming from the right “kind” of guy. (I'll refrain from further speculation on just what that kind of guy is.)
“Because the society we live in, the society women move through, is one of pressure. Constant pressure. (etc)“
Pressure imposed by their own decisions. Monogamy forces competition and women dictate monogamy. Men only wish for security. And since the majority of pregnancies are accidental children don't come into this. I've written almost a whole book on monogamy and its horrific impact on human culture. Women perpetuate monogamy to raise the value of erotic capitol. Sociology 101.
You want men to stay sexually tense so you can keep one of them all to yourself as a fucking pet, and trade sex which you have an infinite supply of for fiscal and social gain.
“We live in a world of the the male gaze, and it's reflected in the notion that women's bodies are communal resources. “
Thats simple biology. Testosterone is the sex hormone for both genders, men have more, men want to have sex more, that means in a culture where rape is prohibited and lethal competition between mates is prohibited men are going to be pursuers and women are going to be choosers. Since women dictate sexual terms, and enforce monogamy, it becomes in their interest to be as sexy as possible to attract the largest number of mates to filter for a good single one. Quit choose mates in such a way as to perpetuate this system. Learn to share like a grown up.
“...and I don't want to argue with another fucking horny jackass who's just doing this to try to get into my pants...” (...for free, when what I really need is a guy who measures up to my ludicrous standards to lie to me convincingly and make appropriate gestures both fiscal and emotive, to get into my pants.)
Lack of judgment on your part does not constitute failure on my part. You assume all men are would be rapists. Asking us to cater to your insecurity is unfair, when you're the ones who cultivate the mind destroying levels of sexual tension for profit in the first place.
“Persistence is not a virtue. Don't be That Guy. And if you see or overhear another man countering a "no" with "well, but --", you should repeat, very firmly and loudly, "Dude, she said no." Whether it has to do with sex or not. “
Right, so that she can reward the new guy with a sweet look and pass both of you up for the monstrous rich cute asshole at the other end of the room who will eventually make her feel like a totally worthless skin flap, after having fucked her all through the best years of her life.
“But to a woman's ears, that sounds a whole lot like "Let me come along and tell this woman (who cannot possibly be as smart as a man) about all the things that she thinks she knows. Because she can't possibly know them. “
So if I had a vagina that would some how change the logic of my position towards the correct side? Who gives a shit what it sounds like, here I was thinking what it IS would matter a touch more.
“Whether or not that's what you mean, that is what women hear. “
And thats MY fault!? Spoiled much?
“If you are ever, ever in a conversation about anything relating to gender expression, sexism, male/female relations, etc, and you catch yourself thinking, "She doesn't understand, and I need to explain this to her," stop. Walk away from the discussion (if it's online) or shut your mouth (if it's in person), and ask yourself: is it really that "she doesn't understand"? Or is it that she's coming from a place so different than yours that you feel like she doesn't understand your position? Do you think she doesn't understand your position because she doesn't agree with your position? “
Why is this my responsibility again? Why is it not equally applicable to the woman? Are you not doing the exact same sort of “explaining”? Let me guess, because you're a woman, right?
“In the case of clear-cut facts, there is an objective truth: you can reasonably expect to find the "right" answer. “
Not really, all truth descends from axioms which are unprovable.
http://www.phy.duke.edu/~rgb/Philosophy/axioms/axioms/node34.html
“No, really. Women know how their world works. For us, it works kinda shitty at times, thanks. “
If we're going to be generalists then the latest research would suggest a healthy “Not really.”
The world is too big to know concretely personally, which is what the female brain excels at. Thus to know it one must know it as an abstraction, and this is what the male brain is built for apparently. I certainly have a gift for large scale systems abstraction. And to say that the reason most great global leaders were male is the subject of sexism its simplistic and defeatist. A big part is women simply don't want that kind of power because they don;t need it to reproduce successfully like men do, thanks Genghis Khan for proving that beyond a shadow of a doubt, and a smaller but equally significant part is they probably just suck at it.
“This male advantage in seeing patterns and abstract relationships - what could be called general strategic rather than detailed tactical thinking - perhaps explains the male dominance of chess, even in a country like the U.S.S.R, where the game is a national sport played by both sexes. An alternative explanation, more acceptable to those who would deny the biological basis of sex differences, is that women have become so conditioned to the fact of male chess playing superiority that they subconsciously assign themselves lower expectations; but this is a rather wilful rejection of scientific evidence for the sake of maintaining a prejudice. “ - Anne Moir, Ph.D
“It's true for her, and she doesn't need you telling her how things 'really' are. “
So if a girl tells me that the planet has 2 billion people on it, its true for her? No.
“The fail happens when you take what people are saying to you and start coming up with arguments to counter and invalidate those experiences. “
So I'm not allowed to think critically at all now? I can see where you'd demand that given the quality of your work thus far.
“But if you've said or done something to call down the dogpile, please stomp on the initial impulse to come out swinging, no matter how in-the-right you think you are -- because a basic fact of possessing privilege is that you have to be really careful to avoid anything that looks like you're trying to silence the people without that privilege. And just about any defense at this point is going to come across like you're trying to use your privilege to silence people. “
Clever false choice. Third option; “that guy” actually IS provably, logically, and demonstrably, right, and is being wrongfully, spitefully, and childishly, attacked. At which point “swinging” is ethically demanded.
The dog pile is the mob. Being in the majority does not make you right, being right makes you right.
“There are things you don't know. There are things you can never know. You can be told about them, and you can, as you start to open your eyes and observe and listen, start to see and hear them, but you can never experience them firsthand. “
The smoldering remains of the irony meter actually twitch at the bottom of it's glassed crater.
“You can start to understand, but it will never be your world the way it is for a woman. “
Right because being born with a vagina gives one an intimate first had understanding of what its like to be stoned to death for being raped, just like being part German gives me the visceral understanding of what its like to be broken on the wheel.
Face it, if you're white, speak English, and have bread money, you probably don't know what real horror is. The difference between us is that I own up to this ignorance.
“And then stop and listen to what is being said to you, and imagine, as hard as you can, that the world being described to you is your world, and work from there. “
Again, why is this my problem? How does this not apply to women?
“Work from the perspective of: this is not my experience, but it clearly is her experience, and her experience is just as valid for her as mine is for me. “
And yet all the responsibility is apparently mine, and all the power is apparently yours. Fuck that. If you want true equality you'll submit your position to the rule of evidence, the only thing that isn't bias. Oh but them I'm not respecting your emotional boundaries. Sorry, the physical constants don't give a shit about how you wish gravity would work. Otherwise its all favorite color bullshit.
“She didn't misunderstand. She's not imagining things. It is possible. You just don't see it, because you have the privilege of ignoring it if you want to. “
Again clever use of the false dilemma fallacy. Third option; She actually is wrong, and he can prove it.
“And women don't owe you an education.“ Actually all who understand owe education to all who are willing to learn, thats the legacy of communication tribalism, and intelligence. It's part of the social contract and basic human ethics.
“Because that's when you start realizing that things should change. “
You REALLY want change? Share your boyfriend. Yea, thought not. Scrap relationships entirely. Quit asking for “commitment”. Live and let live as a human being surrounded by other human beings of differing type intention intelligence and compassion. Select each action base don each situation with an eye towards making yourself and those around your happier and healthier. THAT would change things. Work for a living instead of husband hunting. Dress comfortably instead of sexily. Throw away your make up. Ask yourself how much of what it is to be a woman you got out of a magazine or off the television. Define for yourself what your life should be about. IGNORE gender. Live as a human instead of a woman.
Stop using words like slut and whore to describe people who share sex. Stop confusing sex with love.
Yea, thought not.
“The absolute last words you should ever say in a discussion of sexual assault are "men can be raped too". “
Fact: The majority of rape victims are men. And before you toss out that prisoners deserve it, consider the majority of prisoners are there for drug charges. You think selling an ounce of crack should be punishable by rape?
“Or, well, pretty much anything that attempts to shift the focus of the conversation, subtly or not-so-subtly, away from women's problems and onto men's problems. “
Right, because men's problems don't count (much like those prisoners). Suck ti up, be a man. Right? Lady, we're both human, and have rights. You don't get to tell me what mine aren't. Thats how the social contract works. I don't kill you, you don't kill me, and on down the line. You wanna scrap that? Be my guest, just own up to it. I respect a hard core anarchist.
“because men are the group with the privilege “
Again, prove it. I can prove the opposite (in western or American culture) under any objective measure. Try me.
“it does not matter what your intention is. “
Yes, actually it does, to ethical thinking humans, anyway.
“Does this make you angry? Does it make you feel upset? Do you feel like your right to speak, like your right to be heard, has been silenced?
That's the space many women live in all the time.”
I can say the same. The difference between us is I don't see my oppression as granting me any special rights that women are not granted. I actually want equality. You merely want revenge.
“After-the-fact: “
Not good enough, I don't have to have been raped to know rape is HORROR. And there are many kinds of rape. If I had to pick between the rufie date rape and the prison rape, I'd pick the mickey any day of the week.
This post dedicated to Beth, whom I still know nothing about.
FEBRUARY 17--This country, as you know, is filled with the deranged. And then there's Travis Frey, a 33-year-old Iowa man who is facing charges that he tried to kidnap his own wife (not to mention a separate child pornography rap). Frey, prosecutors contend, apparently is a rather demanding guy. In fact, he actually drew up a bizarre four-page marriage document--a "Contract of Wifely Expectations"--that sought to establish guidelines for his spouse in terms of hygiene, clothing, and sexual activities. In return for fulfilling certain requirements, Frey (pictured right) offered "Good Behavior Days," or GBDs. Each GBD, Frey wrote, could be redeemed by his wife to "get out of doing the things" he requested daily. A copy of the proposed contract, which Frey's wife never signed and later provided to cops, can be found below. While we normally point out the highlights of most documents, there are so many in this demented, and very graphic, contract, we really can't do it justice. So set aside ten minutes--and prepare to be repulsed. (4 pages)